Today, Jan 5, was an auspicious day to dedicate embracing the whole me. This is the endurance mountain of self love. To know her, trust her that she will care for me physically emotionally, and spiritually. She will no longer string me out or drag me to the ground. She will speak for me, from a grounded view. She will resource so that I will always have enough.
Jan 6 Capricornian Sweat Spell HIIT, Sincere Commitments & Remembering my throat. (Ya’ll been on the @MoonRxMethod workouts and digging them!)
Today, is one of those natural self care days as apposed to the gritty ones where you get to writhe and cut through all the bs of the past and future. It was momentess, rolling & easy. I woke up on spacious land, away from my phone & this damn screen that seems to be one of my new favorite modes of self-expression. But with the land, the self-expression of her, she’s different. She’s not so composed, lined, and cut. She is wild, baggy, flowing. Today, I woke up at my best friends house. She knew I needed a smoothie when I did not. Her daughter showing me all of her greatest tips and tricks to living life to its fullest expression. The huskies and doodle lounging in and out, in and out, in and out. Half sun half storm, we chose to remain mostly inside. I cried doing the dishes at the beauty of the moment.
Driving into town is always a tough transition, but I rolled with it, straight up for 35 minutes of intense Capricornian Sweat Spell HIIT. Kettle bells, dumbbells, red in the face, I recomposed to a free invite for an abdominal Thai massage.
Although, I knew where I was “supposed to go.” I went somewhere else. IN this blue skied land, 3 stones stacked upon each other performed little realigning surgeries. You would think they were space ships, but for sure they were Earth Ships. Brother Will reminding me that he was here each and every step of the way to watch over me to protect me. Each time we went to my uterus, I remembered being in first grade with my throat spray. My throat was never sore, I just wanted to numb it with the cherry drink to forget what I needed to speak. A good ole’ disconnect between the hyoid and sphenoid is a prime method to keep me quiet.
Dr. John had been inside of me, it must have been earlier that week. I had no way to tell anyone, so I just notified mom the best way I knew how. My throat hurts, praying she’d keep me at home with Cambell’s Potato Cream Soup, Sprite, soap operas, and folding laundry on her king sized bed. When I needed to go to school, I would bring my throat spray, numbing my need to speak up until I could — it took 25 years to construct what I have to say.
But today, it is one of those natural self care days, so here I leave you for the 3 candles lit, my Magnesium Bath & Blue Ridge Hemp bath bomb, to embrace this sincere commitment to be perfectly holy and wholly me <3
Earthed out and all <3
Today Jan 19 – Full Moon Eclipse pre-party c Yoni egg post steam. Covered in rose serum.
Grandfather Fire, may this light illuminate the patterns that are no longer serving me. May I have the discipline to change them. And may the patterns that are serving me to be my highest greatest self be illuminated so that I may recognize the disciplines that nurture them.
I maybe chose to let him go last night. Only those that recognize my greatness and uniqueness in this world may stay as my regular fucks to give. Sometimes you have to go to the places that no one else is willing to go to find that deep seated forgiveness that holds and nurtures the whole you. Even those things that you pre conceptualized as toxic, those need to be held to — because under the layers of the abyss, it was innocence – it was survival, it was what you needed at that moment in time to be here now.
Only with being, can you find the discipline to nourish the patterns to change.